Founder's Story

Empowerment By Us for Us Ladies (EBUFUL),

Founder – Mrs. Abeni Ogundadegbe Nee Matanmi

Why was EBUFUL founded? EBUFUL is my story growing up.

I was born into a Nigerian parent in the 1950s when female children were regarded as “second class citizens”; this is my story definition. I am from a large size polygamous family. My mother was the last wife of many; she had five children of her own; four male and I am the only female. We lost our father while my senior brother was 6 years; I was 3 years; and my junior brother was only 1 year old (last born). My mother who passed in 2016 at aged 99 strived to give us her best as petty trader. She was a kind, strong, prayerful, disciplined, dedicated and a passionate woman who cared for most underprivileged that ever crossed her path (young or old) with the little she had. She was my role model. She taught me to always stand up for the right things; self-disciple, encouraged me to never give up, no matter the challenge(s); and she constantly reminded me that there nothing a man can do that I can’t do as a female if I stay focused…. then she added “except you cannot get someone pregnant” we will laugh out very loud! My mother was uneducated; had native sense; blessed with wisdom; and accepted/respected the families’ recommendations despite her pain and struggles.

When it was time for me to obtain a higher education, my mother went to my father’s family to take a permission to send me to school because I am a female child even though she was the person paying. Of course, she was told not to make the mistake nor attempt to send me to school because my name will be changed when I get married. And that investment will be lost. She was told to safe that money to send her last born who will retain the family name. As I am writing this story, tears are still running down my cheek as if the incident just occurred.

In the beginning, my mother couldn’t tell me that she had to take permission from a family member about my life decision till I started bugging and questioning her? I had taken and passed all the required examinations; she already bought all needed school stuff; and all she needed to do was for her to make my school payment. She told me that she needed that permission before I could leave home to go to school. She doesn’t want to be seen as the sole decision maker since our father is no more alive. According to my mother, that will be disobedient and disrespectful to the family no matter who is making the payment. I was disappointed, angry and dejected. My mother kept encouraging me not to give up and that we should think about an alternative of what I could do with my life since she couldn’t go against my father’s family decision. I cried for daily for weeks.

After about 3 months that I had stayed home doing nothing! My mother encouraged me to think about learn a skill before my father’s family bring a man to marry me without an education and lack of skills. She named girls and told me stories of those that had been forced into marriage without education or any skills. I was furious and told her that I will run away from home if they ever tried that with me. She pleaded with me and I finally agreed to learn a skill. I decided to go into photography; then established my business and became an entrepreneur. I got married and blessed with our four children (2 male & 2 female), my husband and I decided they are going to be treated equally. Today, I am a graduate of the Rutgers University with a Master's degree. I promised to do my best to assist those girls that are still victims of being born as female or in other similar situations. I discussed my retirement plan with my husband that I will be utilizing some of my savings and retirement funds to empower these underprivileged girls. This is my story and why EBUFUL was founded.